What is a habit?

[Rami Rustom]

Societies understanding of habits is well known by most people. But
some of the ideas surrounding what habits are and how they are formed
are false.

Some of the misconceptions about habits comes from the fact that
psychology and psychiatry uses the term habit only in association with
bad behavior like smoking, drinking, doing illegal drugs, eating too
much, and so on. So when people see the word habit, often they only
think of bad habits. But of course there are good habits too, like
brushing your teeth.


So what are habits and how do they form? From the Merriam-Webster
dictionary, a habit is "3b : an acquired mode of behavior that has
become nearly or completely involuntary."

Notice the "nearly or completely involuntary" part. Nearly involuntary
means that the person finds it hard to do a different behavior. So he
retains some individual responsibility. That means that a person has
the ability to commit a different behavior instead of his habit. And
he could do this again the next time he is in a similar situation in
which that habit "wants" to control him. And again the next time. And
in this way he can create a new habit, thus replacing the old habit.
Sounds optimistic!

But the definition also says that there are habits that are completely
involuntary, which means that the person finds it *impossible* to do a
different behavior. So he retains absolutely no individual
responsibility for committing the behavior. This means that there are
a certain sort of situations that a person finds himself in whereby he
is absolutely not responsible for his behavior. But in these
situations people believe they are irresponsible only because they
have false knowledge about habits. The point is that they **are**
responsible, but they don't know it.

One of the misconceptions about habits is that some people are
genetically predetermined to have *less* control of their habits and
of changing them than other people. Note that they claim *less*
control, not zero control. So what does that mean? It means that these
"genetically inferior" people still do change their habits. So what is
the difference in the sort of situation that a "genetically inferior"
person does change a habit versus the sort of situation that he
doesn't change a habit? The difference is knowledge!

To illustrate my point, consider this. A 5 year old has the habit of
sucking his thumb. He is absolutely ignorant of habits, of what they
are, and how people change them, and how they "control their hosts".
He's ignorant of them because he's never self-reflected on his own
behaviors, and his parents never talked to him about habits, and the
TV shows and movies he watches don't talk about habits. So his mom
talks to him on his 5th birthday and says, "Johnny, you're 5 years old
now (while holding up her hand with all 5 fingers spread apart).
You're a man now and men don't suck their thumb." Johnny was
wide-eyed. He wanted to be an adult. So he no longer wanted to suck
his thumb, because that meant that he was still a kid. That went
against his new self-image of being an adult. And so he stopped cold
turkey. He no longer had the habit of sucking his thumb. He didn't
need, and didn't get reminders. His mom forgot about the conversation
all together. By the end of the day she noticed that she hadn't seen
Johnny suck his thumb at all. He was persuaded. He changed one of his
values. He no longer valued sucking his thumb because that
contradicted his valuing adulthood.

So Johnny went from having a habit of sucking his thumb to ridding
himself of that habit in one conversation with his mom. How could this
happen? What changed in him that caused this flipping of a switch? And
what does this say about habits?

-- Rami

[Rami Rustom]

Post by Rami Rustom
Societies understanding of habits is well known by most people. But
some of the ideas surrounding what habits are and how they are formed
are false.
Some of the misconceptions about habits comes from the fact that
psychology and psychiatry uses the term habit only in association with
bad behavior like smoking, drinking, doing illegal drugs, eating too
much, and so on. So when people see the word habit, often they only
think of bad habits. But of course there are good habits too, like
brushing your teeth.
So what are habits and how do they form? From the Merriam-Webster
dictionary, a habit is "3b : an acquired mode of behavior that has
become nearly or completely involuntary."
Notice the "nearly or completely involuntary" part. Nearly involuntary
means that the person finds it hard to do a different behavior. So he
retains some individual responsibility. That means that a person has
the ability to commit a different behavior instead of his habit. And
he could do this again the next time he is in a similar situation in
which that habit "wants" to control him. And again the next time. And
in this way he can create a new habit, thus replacing the old habit.
Sounds optimistic!
But the definition also says that there are habits that are completely
involuntary, which means that the person finds it *impossible* to do a
different behavior. So he retains absolutely no individual
responsibility for committing the behavior. This means that there are
a certain sort of situations that a person finds himself in whereby he
is absolutely not responsible for his behavior. But in these
situations people believe they are irresponsible only because they
have false knowledge about habits. The point is that they **are**
responsible, but they don't know it.
One of the misconceptions about habits is that some people are
genetically predetermined to have *less* control of their habits and
of changing them than other people. Note that they claim *less*
control, not zero control. So what does that mean? It means that these
"genetically inferior" people still do change their habits. So what is
the difference in the sort of situation that a "genetically inferior"
person does change a habit versus the sort of situation that he
doesn't change a habit? The difference is knowledge!
To illustrate my point, consider this. A 5 year old has the habit of
sucking his thumb. He is absolutely ignorant of habits, of what they
are, and how people change them, and how they "control their hosts".
He's ignorant of them because he's never self-reflected on his own
behaviors, and his parents never talked to him about habits, and the
TV shows and movies he watches don't talk about habits. So his mom
talks to him on his 5th birthday and says, "Johnny, you're 5 years old
now (while holding up her hand with all 5 fingers spread apart).
You're a man now and men don't suck their thumb." Johnny was
wide-eyed. He wanted to be an adult. So he no longer wanted to suck
his thumb, because that meant that he was still a kid. That went
against his new self-image of being an adult. And so he stopped cold
turkey. He no longer had the habit of sucking his thumb. He didn't
need, and didn't get reminders. His mom forgot about the conversation
all together. By the end of the day she noticed that she hadn't seen
Johnny suck his thumb at all. He was persuaded. He changed one of his
values. He no longer valued sucking his thumb because that
contradicted his valuing adulthood.
So Johnny went from having a habit of sucking his thumb to ridding
himself of that habit in one conversation with his mom. How could this
happen? What changed in him that caused this flipping of a switch? And
what does this say about habits?

Part 2...

So my example above shows that thumb sucking habits aren't actually
habits. Kids do it because they want to. And when the stop wanting to,
then they stop doing it. So are there other things that are real
habits? Consider this:

An American army ranger comes back home from 4 years of serving his
country in Iraq and Afghanistan. He has many psychological problems,
one of which is that he's always on alert which causes anxiety. When
he's sitting around outside and even inside, and a helicopter flies
by, he hears it (while regular citizens don't) because his training
taught him to watch out for attack helicopters. When he's driving he
sees sticks and wires and other things on the ground and he swerves
the car because his training taught him to watch out for bombs. So
he's alert 24/7 and each time that he notices these things he gets
anxiety. This constant alertness makes it hard for him to sleep. So he
takes medication to put him to sleep.

In the sucking thumb example, the kid stopped it because he no longer
wanted to do it. But in the case of the ranger, he doesn't want to be
alert 24/7 but he's still doing it. So what is the qualitative
difference between these two types of behaviors that makes one
voluntary and the other nearly (or completely) involuntary?

-- Rami

[Rami Rustom]

Post by Rami Rustom

Post by Rami Rustom
Societies understanding of habits is well known by most people. But
some of the ideas surrounding what habits are and how they are formed
are false.
Some of the misconceptions about habits comes from the fact that
psychology and psychiatry uses the term habit only in association with
bad behavior like smoking, drinking, doing illegal drugs, eating too
much, and so on. So when people see the word habit, often they only
think of bad habits. But of course there are good habits too, like
brushing your teeth.
So what are habits and how do they form? From the Merriam-Webster
dictionary, a habit is "3b : an acquired mode of behavior that has
become nearly or completely involuntary."
Notice the "nearly or completely involuntary" part. Nearly involuntary
means that the person finds it hard to do a different behavior. So he
retains some individual responsibility. That means that a person has
the ability to commit a different behavior instead of his habit. And
he could do this again the next time he is in a similar situation in
which that habit "wants" to control him. And again the next time. And
in this way he can create a new habit, thus replacing the old habit.
Sounds optimistic!
But the definition also says that there are habits that are completely
involuntary, which means that the person finds it *impossible* to do a
different behavior. So he retains absolutely no individual
responsibility for committing the behavior. This means that there are
a certain sort of situations that a person finds himself in whereby he
is absolutely not responsible for his behavior. But in these
situations people believe they are irresponsible only because they
have false knowledge about habits. The point is that they **are**
responsible, but they don't know it.
One of the misconceptions about habits is that some people are
genetically predetermined to have *less* control of their habits and
of changing them than other people. Note that they claim *less*
control, not zero control. So what does that mean? It means that these
"genetically inferior" people still do change their habits. So what is
the difference in the sort of situation that a "genetically inferior"
person does change a habit versus the sort of situation that he
doesn't change a habit? The difference is knowledge!
To illustrate my point, consider this. A 5 year old has the habit of
sucking his thumb. He is absolutely ignorant of habits, of what they
are, and how people change them, and how they "control their hosts".
He's ignorant of them because he's never self-reflected on his own
behaviors, and his parents never talked to him about habits, and the
TV shows and movies he watches don't talk about habits. So his mom
talks to him on his 5th birthday and says, "Johnny, you're 5 years old
now (while holding up her hand with all 5 fingers spread apart).
You're a man now and men don't suck their thumb." Johnny was
wide-eyed. He wanted to be an adult. So he no longer wanted to suck
his thumb, because that meant that he was still a kid. That went
against his new self-image of being an adult. And so he stopped cold
turkey. He no longer had the habit of sucking his thumb. He didn't
need, and didn't get reminders. His mom forgot about the conversation
all together. By the end of the day she noticed that she hadn't seen
Johnny suck his thumb at all. He was persuaded. He changed one of his
values. He no longer valued sucking his thumb because that
contradicted his valuing adulthood.
So Johnny went from having a habit of sucking his thumb to ridding
himself of that habit in one conversation with his mom. How could this
happen? What changed in him that caused this flipping of a switch? And
what does this say about habits?

Part 2...
So my example above shows that thumb sucking habits aren't actually
habits. Kids do it because they want to. And when the stop wanting to,
then they stop doing it. So are there other things that are real
An American army ranger comes back home from 4 years of serving his
country in Iraq and Afghanistan. He has many psychological problems,
one of which is that he's always on alert which causes anxiety. When
he's sitting around outside and even inside, and a helicopter flies
by, he hears it (while regular citizens don't) because his training
taught him to watch out for attack helicopters. When he's driving he
sees sticks and wires and other things on the ground and he swerves
the car because his training taught him to watch out for bombs. So
he's alert 24/7 and each time that he notices these things he gets
anxiety. This constant alertness makes it hard for him to sleep. So he
takes medication to put him to sleep.
In the sucking thumb example, the kid stopped it because he no longer
wanted to do it. But in the case of the ranger, he doesn't want to be
alert 24/7 but he's still doing it. So what is the qualitative
difference between these two types of behaviors that makes one
voluntary and the other nearly (or completely) involuntary?

Part 3...

I think the difference has something to do with muscle memory. So I

Post by Rami Rustom
Muscle memory has been used synonymously with motor learning, which is a form of procedural memory that involves consolidating a specific motor task into memory through repetition. When a movement is repeated over time, a long-term muscle memory is created for that task, eventually allowing it to be performed without conscious effort. This process decreases the need for attention and creates maximum efficiency within the motor and memory systems. Examples of muscle memory are found in many everyday activities that become automatic and improve with practice, such as riding a bicycle, typing on a keyboard, typing in a PIN, playing a melody or phrase on a musical instrument, playing video games,[1] or performing different algorithms for a Rubik's Cube.
Habits are routines of behavior that are repeated regularly and tend to occur subconsciously.[1][2][3] Habitual behavior often goes unnoticed in persons exhibiting it, because a person does not need to engage in self-analysis when undertaking routine tasks. Habituation is an extremely simple form of learning, in which an organism, after a period of exposure to a stimulus, stops responding to that stimulus in varied manners. Habits are sometimes compulsory.[3][4] The process by which new behaviours become automatic is habit formation. Examples of habit formation are the following: If you instinctively reach for a cigarette the moment you wake up in the morning, you have a habit. Also, if you lace up your running shoes and hit the streets as soon as you get home, you've acquired a habit. Old habits are hard to break and new habits are hard to form because the behavioural patterns we repeat are imprinted in our neural pathways.[5] As behaviors are repeated in a consistent context, there is an incremental increase in the link between the context and the action. This increases the automaticity of the behavior in that context.[6] Features of an automatic behavior are all or some of: efficiency, lack of awareness, unintentionality, uncontrollability.[7] Habit formation is modelled as an increase in automaticity with number of repetitions up to an asymptote.[8][9][10]

Interesting. In the motor learning article, no where does the word
habit exist. And in the habit article, no where does the term motor
learning exist. But they seem the same to me. What do you think?


What are some examples of habits?

I always put my keys in my right pocket. I don't like to randomly look
for my keys in all of my pockets so by putting them always in one
pocket I don't have to search. In the same way, I always put my keys
in one place at home, next to my bed. Also I never put my keys down
anywhere. They are always in my pocket or next to my bed. Why? Because
I've lost my keys when I leave them on tables or in bathrooms. So I
created 3 habits related to my keys. And this way I can't lose my keys
AND I don't have to remember where I put my keys. I do these things
subconsciously now. On a side note, its ironic because when I tell
people that I don't lose my keys, they assume that I have good memory
but what they don't realize is that I don't use my memory at all for
my keys. I made 3 rules for myself so that I don't have to use my
memory. Because actually my memory is bad for remembering where I put
stuff. My mind is usually in lala land so I don't pay attention to
stuff like where I put my keys.

You might ask, before you created those habits, how did you remember
your rules? Well when the situation comes up, like lets say I put my
keys on a table, I remember the last time I had a problem of losing my
keys by leaving them somewhere. So I immediately remember my rule and
I follow it, i.e. put my keys back in my pocket. By the way, I do the
exact same thing with my phone, except its in the left pocket. And one
extra rule is that when I'm sitting in my recliner I sometimes put it
in a cup holder. But no where else. I don't like losing my phone.

-- Rami

[Rami Rustom]

Post by Rami Rustom

Post by Rami Rustom

Post by Rami Rustom
Societies understanding of habits is well known by most people. But
some of the ideas surrounding what habits are and how they are formed
are false.
Some of the misconceptions about habits comes from the fact that
psychology and psychiatry uses the term habit only in association with
bad behavior like smoking, drinking, doing illegal drugs, eating too
much, and so on. So when people see the word habit, often they only
think of bad habits. But of course there are good habits too, like
brushing your teeth.
So what are habits and how do they form? From the Merriam-Webster
dictionary, a habit is "3b : an acquired mode of behavior that has
become nearly or completely involuntary."
Notice the "nearly or completely involuntary" part. Nearly involuntary
means that the person finds it hard to do a different behavior. So he
retains some individual responsibility. That means that a person has
the ability to commit a different behavior instead of his habit. And
he could do this again the next time he is in a similar situation in
which that habit "wants" to control him. And again the next time. And
in this way he can create a new habit, thus replacing the old habit.
Sounds optimistic!
But the definition also says that there are habits that are completely
involuntary, which means that the person finds it *impossible* to do a
different behavior. So he retains absolutely no individual
responsibility for committing the behavior. This means that there are
a certain sort of situations that a person finds himself in whereby he
is absolutely not responsible for his behavior. But in these
situations people believe they are irresponsible only because they
have false knowledge about habits. The point is that they **are**
responsible, but they don't know it.
One of the misconceptions about habits is that some people are
genetically predetermined to have *less* control of their habits and
of changing them than other people. Note that they claim *less*
control, not zero control. So what does that mean? It means that these
"genetically inferior" people still do change their habits. So what is
the difference in the sort of situation that a "genetically inferior"
person does change a habit versus the sort of situation that he
doesn't change a habit? The difference is knowledge!
To illustrate my point, consider this. A 5 year old has the habit of
sucking his thumb. He is absolutely ignorant of habits, of what they
are, and how people change them, and how they "control their hosts".
He's ignorant of them because he's never self-reflected on his own
behaviors, and his parents never talked to him about habits, and the
TV shows and movies he watches don't talk about habits. So his mom
talks to him on his 5th birthday and says, "Johnny, you're 5 years old
now (while holding up her hand with all 5 fingers spread apart).
You're a man now and men don't suck their thumb." Johnny was
wide-eyed. He wanted to be an adult. So he no longer wanted to suck
his thumb, because that meant that he was still a kid. That went
against his new self-image of being an adult. And so he stopped cold
turkey. He no longer had the habit of sucking his thumb. He didn't
need, and didn't get reminders. His mom forgot about the conversation
all together. By the end of the day she noticed that she hadn't seen
Johnny suck his thumb at all. He was persuaded. He changed one of his
values. He no longer valued sucking his thumb because that
contradicted his valuing adulthood.
So Johnny went from having a habit of sucking his thumb to ridding
himself of that habit in one conversation with his mom. How could this
happen? What changed in him that caused this flipping of a switch? And
what does this say about habits?

Part 2...
So my example above shows that thumb sucking habits aren't actually
habits. Kids do it because they want to. And when the stop wanting to,
then they stop doing it. So are there other things that are real
An American army ranger comes back home from 4 years of serving his
country in Iraq and Afghanistan. He has many psychological problems,
one of which is that he's always on alert which causes anxiety. When
he's sitting around outside and even inside, and a helicopter flies
by, he hears it (while regular citizens don't) because his training
taught him to watch out for attack helicopters. When he's driving he
sees sticks and wires and other things on the ground and he swerves
the car because his training taught him to watch out for bombs. So
he's alert 24/7 and each time that he notices these things he gets
anxiety. This constant alertness makes it hard for him to sleep. So he
takes medication to put him to sleep.
In the sucking thumb example, the kid stopped it because he no longer
wanted to do it. But in the case of the ranger, he doesn't want to be
alert 24/7 but he's still doing it. So what is the qualitative
difference between these two types of behaviors that makes one
voluntary and the other nearly (or completely) involuntary?

Part 3...
I think the difference has something to do with muscle memory. So I

Post by Rami Rustom
Muscle memory has been used synonymously with motor learning, which is a form of procedural memory that involves consolidating a specific motor task into memory through repetition. When a movement is repeated over time, a long-term muscle memory is created for that task, eventually allowing it to be performed without conscious effort. This process decreases the need for attention and creates maximum efficiency within the motor and memory systems. Examples of muscle memory are found in many everyday activities that become automatic and improve with practice, such as riding a bicycle, typing on a keyboard, typing in a PIN, playing a melody or phrase on a musical instrument, playing video games,[1] or performing different algorithms for a Rubik's Cube.
Habits are routines of behavior that are repeated regularly and tend to occur subconsciously.[1][2][3] Habitual behavior often goes unnoticed in persons exhibiting it, because a person does not need to engage in self-analysis when undertaking routine tasks. Habituation is an extremely simple form of learning, in which an organism, after a period of exposure to a stimulus, stops responding to that stimulus in varied manners. Habits are sometimes compulsory.[3][4] The process by which new behaviours become automatic is habit formation. Examples of habit formation are the following: If you instinctively reach for a cigarette the moment you wake up in the morning, you have a habit. Also, if you lace up your running shoes and hit the streets as soon as you get home, you've acquired a habit. Old habits are hard to break and new habits are hard to form because the behavioural patterns we repeat are imprinted in our neural pathways.[5] As behaviors are repeated in a consistent context, there is an incremental increase in the link between the context and the action. This increases the automaticity of the behavior in that context.[6] Features of an automatic behavior are all or some of: efficiency, lack of awareness, unintentionality, uncontrollability.[7] Habit formation is modelled as an increase in automaticity with number of repetitions up to an asymptote.[8][9][10]

Interesting. In the motor learning article, no where does the word
habit exist. And in the habit article, no where does the term motor
learning exist. But they seem the same to me. What do you think?
What are some examples of habits?
I always put my keys in my right pocket. I don't like to randomly look
for my keys in all of my pockets so by putting them always in one
pocket I don't have to search. In the same way, I always put my keys
in one place at home, next to my bed. Also I never put my keys down
anywhere. They are always in my pocket or next to my bed. Why? Because
I've lost my keys when I leave them on tables or in bathrooms. So I
created 3 habits related to my keys. And this way I can't lose my keys
AND I don't have to remember where I put my keys. I do these things
subconsciously now. On a side note, its ironic because when I tell
people that I don't lose my keys, they assume that I have good memory
but what they don't realize is that I don't use my memory at all for
my keys. I made 3 rules for myself so that I don't have to use my
memory. Because actually my memory is bad for remembering where I put
stuff. My mind is usually in lala land so I don't pay attention to
stuff like where I put my keys.
You might ask, before you created those habits, how did you remember
your rules? Well when the situation comes up, like lets say I put my
keys on a table, I remember the last time I had a problem of losing my
keys by leaving them somewhere. So I immediately remember my rule and
I follow it, i.e. put my keys back in my pocket. By the way, I do the
exact same thing with my phone, except its in the left pocket. And one
extra rule is that when I'm sitting in my recliner I sometimes put it
in a cup holder. But no where else. I don't like losing my phone.

Part 4...

After reading the smoking example of a habit given in the habit
article on wikipedia, I reflected on it more.

What do they mean by instinctively? It means subconsciously. I've seen
people smoking a cigarette, and then pickup another cigarette to light
it. How could that happen? Its because he was consciously thinking
about something else. He was in lala land. So he was subconsciously
smoking a cigarette and subconsciously got another cigarette out. But,
at some point he noticed his error. He was conscious of it. So he put
the new cigarette back in its pack.

Now consider the example given in the article. A person wakes up and
goes for a cigarette, subconsciously. So now he's smoking it. Is he in
lala land? Was he in lala land during the entire session of smoking
that cigarette? No. At some point during the smoking session he became
conscious of his behavior. And if he didn't want to smoke the
cigarette, he could put it out and throw it away. And he could break
all his cigarettes and throw away the whole pack so that the next time
he subconsciously goes for a cigarette, they aren't there. So this
habit of smoking can easily be broken if thats what he wanted.

But most people disagree with me on this. They say, that some people
want to quick but they can't. I say its because they both want to and
don't want to. The have a conflict of wants. So with each cigarette,
they are coercing themselves because part of them wants to smoke
(which they act on) and part of them wants to quit. So by acting on
the smoking want, they are doing something they don't want to do,
hence coercion.

The conventional explanation for why people don't quit is that the
person's want of smoking is stronger than the want of quitting. And
that for the people that quit, their want of quitting was stronger
than their want of smoking. And they say that the person that quit has
stronger will. But both of those are coercion. They cause hurt. The
right way to solve this problem is to refute one of the conflicting
ideas. A smoker who wants to quit should ask himself these questions:

Why do you want to smoke? What problem does smoking solve?

Why do you want to quit smoking? What problem does quitting smoking solve?


So what reasons do people have for smoking and for quitting? What are
some criticisms of those reasons?

Whether you are a smoker or used to be a smoker or knows a lot of
smokers, a bunch of you know a lot of reasons and criticisms. Please
speak up. Your insight could help someone quit. It could help a lot of
people quit.

-- Rami

[Rami Rustom]

Post by Rami Rustom
After reading the smoking example of a habit given in the habit
article on wikipedia, I reflected on it more.
What do they mean by instinctively? It means subconsciously. I've seen
people smoking a cigarette, and then pickup another cigarette to light
it. How could that happen? Its because he was consciously thinking
about something else. He was in lala land. So he was subconsciously
smoking a cigarette and subconsciously got another cigarette out. But,
at some point he noticed his error. He was conscious of it. So he put
the new cigarette back in its pack.
Now consider the example given in the article. A person wakes up and
goes for a cigarette, subconsciously. So now he's smoking it. Is he in
lala land? Was he in lala land during the entire session of smoking
that cigarette? No. At some point during the smoking session he became
conscious of his behavior. And if he didn't want to smoke the
cigarette, he could put it out and throw it away. And he could break
all his cigarettes and throw away the whole pack so that the next time
he subconsciously goes for a cigarette, they aren't there. So this
habit of smoking can easily be broken if thats what he wanted.
But most people disagree with me on this. They say, that some people
want to quick but they can't. I say its because they both want to and
don't want to. The have a conflict of wants. So with each cigarette,
they are coercing themselves because part of them wants to smoke
(which they act on) and part of them wants to quit. So by acting on
the smoking want, they are doing something they don't want to do,
hence coercion.
The conventional explanation for why people don't quit is that the
person's want of smoking is stronger than the want of quitting. And
that for the people that quit, their want of quitting was stronger
than their want of smoking. And they say that the person that quit has
stronger will. But both of those are coercion. They cause hurt. The
right way to solve this problem is to refute one of the conflicting
Why do you want to smoke? What problem does smoking solve?
Why do you want to quit smoking? What problem does quitting smoking solve?
So what reasons do people have for smoking and for quitting? What are
some criticisms of those reasons?

Reasons for smoking:

- it helps me relax, calms my nerves

- its a reason to take a break

- i especially like the first cigarette of the day



Reasons for quitting:

- its unhealthy, causes cancer

- cost a lot of money that I should be spending on more important
things, like for the tutoring lessons that my kid asked for

- breath and clothes smell nasty

- nasty taste in mouth after cigarette

- your child said to you (while having a stick in his mouth), "i'm
acting like i'm smoking" [so you're child wants to smoke, and lets say
you don't want that]

(for heavy smokers)

- bad feeling in throat in the morning

- its annoying to hock up dark mucus in the morning

-- Rami

[Elliot Temple]

Post by Rami Rustom
- it helps me relax, calms my nerves
- its a reason to take a break
- i especially like the first cigarette of the day

it's a reason to talk to strangers, e.g. to ask for a cigarette for a light

it's a reason to stand near strangers, providing the opportunity to start a conversation about anything

it's cool in some people's opinion

it annoys one's parents (and perhaps some other people) who one wants to annoy

it's something to do

it's rebellious

to prove people can't tell you what to do and that you can make choices of your own

because you reject a lot of nonsense about "health" from people who want to control your life, and enjoy standing up to them

from south park: because lame people did a school assembly and said if you don't smoke you could grow up to be like them

Post by Rami Rustom
- its unhealthy, causes cancer
- cost a lot of money that I should be spending on more important
things, like for the tutoring lessons that my kid asked for
- breath and clothes smell nasty
- nasty taste in mouth after cigarette
- your child said to you (while having a stick in his mouth), "i'm
acting like i'm smoking" [so you're child wants to smoke, and lets say
you don't want that]
(for heavy smokers)
- bad feeling in throat in the morning
- its annoying to hock up dark mucus in the morning

have better things to do with your time like philosophy

-- Elliot Temple
http://elliottemple.com/

[Rami Rustom]

Post by Rami Rustom
What are some examples of habits?
I always put my keys in my right pocket. I don't like to randomly look
for my keys in all of my pockets so by putting them always in one
pocket I don't have to search. In the same way, I always put my keys
in one place at home, next to my bed. Also I never put my keys down
anywhere. They are always in my pocket or next to my bed. Why? Because
I've lost my keys when I leave them on tables or in bathrooms. So I
created 3 habits related to my keys. And this way I can't lose my keys
AND I don't have to remember where I put my keys. I do these things
subconsciously now. On a side note, its ironic because when I tell
people that I don't lose my keys, they assume that I have good memory
but what they don't realize is that I don't use my memory at all for
my keys. I made 3 rules for myself so that I don't have to use my
memory. Because actually my memory is bad for remembering where I put
stuff. My mind is usually in lala land so I don't pay attention to
stuff like where I put my keys.
You might ask, before you created those habits, how did you remember
your rules? Well when the situation comes up, like lets say I put my
keys on a table, I remember the last time I had a problem of losing my
keys by leaving them somewhere. So I immediately remember my rule and
I follow it, i.e. put my keys back in my pocket. By the way, I do the
exact same thing with my phone, except its in the left pocket. And one
extra rule is that when I'm sitting in my recliner I sometimes put it
in a cup holder. But no where else. I don't like losing my phone.

So to help create habits, its important to try to remember which
situations you've deemed problematic in the past. That will help you
recall the solution that you already created for that problem. So with
each time that you recall that a situation is problematic, and you
follow it up by executing its solution, that solution is becoming
saved in your subconscious, as a rule. Once its saved, it is an
automatic behavior that you execute each time you are presented with
that situation, which is what is called a habit.

Some people say, "well I'm not good at that" and so they give up. But
really there problem is something different. They know the problem
(e.g. I lose my keys a lot because I put them down in random places)
and they know the solution (only put them in designated places) but
when the situation presents itself, and even when they recall this
problem/solution, they choose not to execute the solution.

An example is this, lets say someone is tired from coming home from
work and he just sat down at the kitchen table to eat something. As
soon as he sits down he realizes that he put his keys on the kitchen
table. He recalls that this is problematic and that the solution is to
put them back in his pocket, but instead of doing that he thinks,
"well I'm tired so I'll put them back in my pocket when I'm done
eating." And then the next day he tries to drive to work and is
looking for his keys again. What did he do wrong? He chose to not
execute his solution. Which means that he's not developing a habit of
always keeping his keys in his pocket. And this cycle goes on forever
and with everything.

Whats weird is that people call me anal when they see me follow rules
that I've made for myself. I'd rather be called anal than spending 15
minutes on average looking for my keys everyday.

-- Rami

[a b]

Post by Rami Rustom

Post by Rami Rustom
What are some examples of habits?
I always put my keys in my right pocket. I don't like to randomly look
for my keys in all of my pockets so by putting them always in one
pocket I don't have to search. In the same way, I always put my keys
in one place at home, next to my bed. Also I never put my keys down
anywhere. They are always in my pocket or next to my bed. Why? Because
I've lost my keys when I leave them on tables or in bathrooms. So I
created 3 habits related to my keys. And this way I can't lose my keys
AND I don't have to remember where I put my keys. I do these things
subconsciously now. On a side note, its ironic because when I tell
people that I don't lose my keys, they assume that I have good memory
but what they don't realize is that I don't use my memory at all for
my keys. I made 3 rules for myself so that I don't have to use my
memory. Because actually my memory is bad for remembering where I put
stuff. My mind is usually in lala land so I don't pay attention to
stuff like where I put my keys.
You might ask, before you created those habits, how did you remember
your rules? Well when the situation comes up, like lets say I put my
keys on a table, I remember the last time I had a problem of losing my
keys by leaving them somewhere. So I immediately remember my rule and
I follow it, i.e. put my keys back in my pocket. By the way, I do the
exact same thing with my phone, except its in the left pocket. And one
extra rule is that when I'm sitting in my recliner I sometimes put it
in a cup holder. But no where else. I don't like losing my phone.

So to help create habits, its important to try to remember which
situations you've deemed problematic in the past. That will help you
recall the solution that you already created for that problem. So with
each time that you recall that a situation is problematic, and you
follow it up by executing its solution, that solution is becoming
saved in your subconscious, as a rule. Once its saved, it is an
automatic behavior that you execute each time you are presented with
that situation, which is what is called a habit.
Some people say, "well I'm not good at that" and so they give up. But
really there problem is something different. They know the problem
(e.g. I lose my keys a lot because I put them down in random places)
and they know the solution (only put them in designated places) but
when the situation presents itself, and even when they recall this
problem/solution, they choose not to execute the solution.
An example is this, lets say someone is tired from coming home from
work and he just sat down at the kitchen table to eat something. As
soon as he sits down he realizes that he put his keys on the kitchen
table. He recalls that this is problematic and that the solution is to
put them back in his pocket, but instead of doing that he thinks,
"well I'm tired so I'll put them back in my pocket when I'm done
eating." And then the next day he tries to drive to work and is
looking for his keys again. What did he do wrong? He chose to not
execute his solution. Which means that he's not developing a habit of
always keeping his keys in his pocket. And this cycle goes on forever
and with everything.
Whats weird is that people call me anal when they see me follow rules
that I've made for myself. I'd rather be called anal than spending 15
minutes on average looking for my keys everyday.
-- Rami

it might be different in your case...but people tend to get called
anal not for any habits or disciplies or procedures they follow, but
because for doing that thing, and then consistently making it very
explicit they are doing it, or banging on about it unsolicited and
uninvited endlessly to other people. It's important to know when one
is being helpful and when one is being a bore....and of course being a
bore is bad for the good practice because that then gets associaed
with being boring, or anal, with the overall effect of people taking
on even worse habits and philosophy.

[Rami Rustom]

Post by a b

Post by Rami Rustom

Post by Rami Rustom
What are some examples of habits?
I always put my keys in my right pocket. I don't like to randomly look
for my keys in all of my pockets so by putting them always in one
pocket I don't have to search. In the same way, I always put my keys
in one place at home, next to my bed. Also I never put my keys down
anywhere. They are always in my pocket or next to my bed. Why? Because
I've lost my keys when I leave them on tables or in bathrooms. So I
created 3 habits related to my keys. And this way I can't lose my keys
AND I don't have to remember where I put my keys. I do these things
subconsciously now. On a side note, its ironic because when I tell
people that I don't lose my keys, they assume that I have good memory
but what they don't realize is that I don't use my memory at all for
my keys. I made 3 rules for myself so that I don't have to use my
memory. Because actually my memory is bad for remembering where I put
stuff. My mind is usually in lala land so I don't pay attention to
stuff like where I put my keys.
You might ask, before you created those habits, how did you remember
your rules? Well when the situation comes up, like lets say I put my
keys on a table, I remember the last time I had a problem of losing my
keys by leaving them somewhere. So I immediately remember my rule and
I follow it, i.e. put my keys back in my pocket. By the way, I do the
exact same thing with my phone, except its in the left pocket. And one
extra rule is that when I'm sitting in my recliner I sometimes put it
in a cup holder. But no where else. I don't like losing my phone.

So to help create habits, its important to try to remember which
situations you've deemed problematic in the past. That will help you
recall the solution that you already created for that problem. So with
each time that you recall that a situation is problematic, and you
follow it up by executing its solution, that solution is becoming
saved in your subconscious, as a rule. Once its saved, it is an
automatic behavior that you execute each time you are presented with
that situation, which is what is called a habit.
Some people say, "well I'm not good at that" and so they give up. But
really there problem is something different. They know the problem
(e.g. I lose my keys a lot because I put them down in random places)
and they know the solution (only put them in designated places) but
when the situation presents itself, and even when they recall this
problem/solution, they choose not to execute the solution.
An example is this, lets say someone is tired from coming home from
work and he just sat down at the kitchen table to eat something. As
soon as he sits down he realizes that he put his keys on the kitchen
table. He recalls that this is problematic and that the solution is to
put them back in his pocket, but instead of doing that he thinks,
"well I'm tired so I'll put them back in my pocket when I'm done
eating." And then the next day he tries to drive to work and is
looking for his keys again. What did he do wrong? He chose to not
execute his solution. Which means that he's not developing a habit of
always keeping his keys in his pocket. And this cycle goes on forever
and with everything.
Whats weird is that people call me anal when they see me follow rules
that I've made for myself. I'd rather be called anal than spending 15
minutes on average looking for my keys everyday.
-- Rami

it might be different in your case...but people tend to get called
anal not for any habits or disciplies or procedures they follow, but
because for doing that thing, and then consistently making it very
explicit they are doing it,

I keep my things private unless someone asks me.

Post by a b
or banging on about it unsolicited and
uninvited endlessly to other people.

That is bad because those people don't want it.

Post by a b
It's important to know when one
is being helpful and when one is being a bore....

Its easy to know. Don't help unless someone wants it.

Post by a b
and of course being a
bore is bad for the good practice because that then gets associaed
with being boring, or anal, with the overall effect of people taking
on even worse habits and philosophy.

I think that happens most with kids. If a parent reminds his kids
about something he should do, and the parent is like a broken record,
then the kid may hate the something and then he may develop a distrust
for the parent in general and then never want to hear anything from
him again.

Anyway, back to why people called me anal. I think its because they
saw me as too rigid, i.e. unwilling to go against the rules I've set
for myself. But in every case, I judged that my idea is right and
their idea is wrong. So why should I do their idea if I believe it to
be the wrong thing to do? If you want me to do your idea, then
persuade me. Hmm this seems to be the same reason people call kids
stubborn.

Its funny because parents tell me now, "you've got to start now",
referring to getting my kids to do what I say because I know better.
To which I say, "but when I was a kid, I never did what anybody said
unless I judged that what they said was right, so how can I make my
kids do something that they don't judge as right?" They reply with
something like, "but when they are 13, if you haven't done this with
your kids yet, then they'll do whatever they want and won't listen to
you." To which I say, "I've lived my entire life exactly that way. I
listened to what I judged to be good reasons. I didn't listen to what
I judged to be bad reasons, like 'because I said so'".

-- Rami

[Rami Rustom]

Post by Rami Rustom
An American army ranger comes back home from 4 years of serving his
country in Iraq and Afghanistan. He has many psychological problems,
one of which is that he's always on alert which causes anxiety. When
he's sitting around outside and even inside, and a helicopter flies
by, he hears it (while regular citizens don't) because his training
taught him to watch out for attack helicopters. When he's driving he
sees sticks and wires and other things on the ground and he swerves
the car because his training taught him to watch out for bombs. So
he's alert 24/7 and each time that he notices these things he gets
anxiety. This constant alertness makes it hard for him to sleep. So he
takes medication to put him to sleep.
In the sucking thumb example, the kid stopped it because he no longer
wanted to do it. But in the case of the ranger, he doesn't want to be
alert 24/7 but he's still doing it. So what is the qualitative
difference between these two types of behaviors that makes one
voluntary and the other nearly (or completely) involuntary?

I talked to the Army Ranger again.

He said that his psychologist said that these automatic reactions he
has are things he can't change, because they aren't habits. He said
its something about the amygdala and that the amygdala "learns"
reactions to stuff and then it can't unlearn it. So it gets wired, and
it is hard wiring because the wiring can't be changed. I explained
that that is just a theory and the theory I adhere to is that it *is*
a habit and all habits can be changed. He liked my idea better, cause
there is optimism in it.

I told him about the guy I helped solve his psych problem where every
time he heard a specific song, he got anxiety. And I explained that
the sense data "caused" him to recall a memory, and that in that
memory there were feelings of guilt. So it was the guilt that caused
the anxiety. And I explained that the anxiety stopped immediately
after that discussion because he no longer had that thinking error of
blaming himself for something that he couldn't be responsible for. [If
you want to know the whole story about the guy who solved his anxiety
problem, see this post:]
https://groups.google.com/forum/?fromgroups=#!topic/beginning-of-infinity/rBiKG-3ai0U


So then I asked if the Army Ranger has any "automatic"
memory-recalling problems like the one my friend had. He said sure.
Each time he notices a helicopter, he recalls a situation where he was
involved in a helicopter attack. I asked how many types of events make
him recall a memory. He said a lot because he did it for 4 years. I
asked, 10? 100? 1000? He said he's not sure.

I explained to him that every emotion is a result of a thought. And
that our sensory data can "cause" us to automatically recall memories.
And that that "cause" is some idea(s) you have subconsciously. For my
friend who's friend committed suicide, his subconscious idea was that
he blamed himself and he didn't realize that he should question it.
Maybe he thought that "feelings of guilt" are part of human nature or
something. So I said to the Army Ranger, each one of your memories has
one or more subconscious ideas causing the "automaticness" of the
memory-recalling and what comes with it is emotions of anxiety. If you
fixed those, you will have solved your problem. But I don't know what
the fix is. I don't know what your subconscious idea is.


I asked if he ever heard of the idea that "if you believe it, it
becomes true." He said ya. I said if you believe that your automatic
reaction is unchangeable, then you won't change it, because you won't
try. Its a self-fulfilling prophecy. Zero possibility of changing it.
And I said that if you do believe you can change it, then you'll try
to change it, so then you have the possibility of doing so.

So then I asked, "What do you choose? Possible or impossible?" He said possible.

Till next time.

-- Rami